Before I go back to writing posts, and, yes, I have been writing rather a lot this month, I want to do one more about grief. Writing about it helps me and hopefully others, not that  I wish grief on anyone.
One of the things I have learned over the past couple of years is that there is  no 'getting over it'. It seems an obvious thing, but the majority of people often think there is some kind of time limit. Let me tell you here and now - there is not. There is no magic number which says, okay, that's it, no more grief, no more tears. There never will be. Not that this makes it morbid or depressing, just a fact. There are always going to be moments or hours when something triggers you. Not just anniversaries, but a photo, a memory, a place, even a scent.
That is normal.
As it is normal to cry, whenever you damned well want to. To grieve whenever you damned well want to.
Because of 'convention' I thought perhaps there would be a time when it didn't hurt. There are days like that now. Because you don't stop living or loving or even enjoying your life, just that there is a part of you that will never let go of the hurt of such a loss. And, hey, that is okay. Really. Why should you? It will always hurt. It isn't suddenly going to change. No one can turn back time.
I don't know why I ever thought it would. I'm changed, as those around me who also loved Rich are changed. How could we not be? And sometimes I get fed up with putting a brave face on it.
So I am just saying; there are going to be days when I can laugh and love as I did before, but there are also days when I am going to cry, because I need to. Because I want to. Because I lost a child, and nothing on this wide Earth is ever going to replace that, not even my tears.
I lost a child, who left his love and went running, and no one can tell me why he lost that life, or even how. My last memories are of how much he adored his daughter, how proud he was to be a soldier, how much he was looking forward to the rest of his life. I think that's worth many tears.


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